Welcome. Discover a Powerful World of Healing and Forgiveness.

Writing Is My Passion

I am so happy to have you visit my blog. The written word bubbles out of me with zest. As far back as I can remember, I have dreamed of being a published author. And now, with that dream a reality, I am ecstatic to share it with you as I reveal what presses most upon my heart.

Most of my posts divulge further behind-the-scenes aspects of The Hidden Diamond and Robin’s Gift. I am also committed to sharing topics that fill me with passion. This dedication urges me to continue writing both within this blog and additional books in the makings. I will expand on ideas relating to these two books and introduce future books as I get closer to publication.

My Mission

Two internal topics woven within my writing are threads of overcoming abuse and finding the ability to forgive. These threads have evolved into a mission for me. My faith drives me to shine a light on truth while offering a torch of forgiveness. Healing cannot occur in isolation. Because of this reality, I am honored to reach out to you. I glorify God in every post because I would not be here today without my Savior’s Grace. I pray that my books and this blog provide direction and aid in your uniquely personal journey.

Writing Mirrors Life

All aspects of my writing, one way or another, mirror my life. This truth makes every book and blog far more personal. With God at my side, I survived forty-six years of abuse while existing with debilitating Ehler’s Danlos Syndrome. These experiences turned me into someone who fights for quality of life. My driving force is to encourage others caught up in similar situations to move forth victoriously.

Your Gain

I dedicate my blog posts to offering guidance and support to navigate life while healing from abuse. I extend ways to gain strength and resources to assist others trapped within this horrendous epidemic. Scatter within, I include elements of how dealing with a disability complicates the picture. I hope my written words help those in need break free from the chains of abuse and journey toward freedom.

Discover My Newest Post

I work hard to create thought-provoking posts to inspire you, my readers. Hopefully, you will gain value from these blog posts. If so, I would like to offer you the opportunity to purchase my books and support my mission to break the chains of abuse. The Hidden Diamond, BUY THE BOOK – Crystal MM Huntley, and Robin’s Gift, https://amzn.to/3vjaRh7.

Scroll down, and you will discover my newest post and all the previously presented posts. I welcome your feedback, insights, thought-provoking comments, and conversations with each blog post. I am eager to get to know you, my readers. Feel free to share your dreams of healing and how my writing touches your heart while helping you achieve those dreams. Additionally, I am open to requests for a blog post with a specific focus that may aid in supporting your journey.

A Different Light Alexandra Another Reason to Forgive Back to My Story Boundaries Direct Forms of Religious Abuse Domestic Abuse Defined Emotional Abuse – an Umbrella Term Faith Shattered Forgiveness Does Not Mean to Forget. Free Giveaway From Robin’s Gift Grace Hope Invite Long-term Effects My Fight for You My Solution My Story Note To My Readers Perfection’s Curse Resources Robin’s Gift Robin’s Gift – A Sneak Peak Seeking Help Step Five Step Four Step One Step Six Step Three Step Two Take the Challenge The Hidden Diamond The Root Meaning of Sin The Scars of Abuse To Find Help To My Readers Two Other Forms of Legal Abuse Unveiling the Hidden Crime Upcoming Posts What Is Legal Abuse? Why Do I Forgive? Why I Share Why I Write You Are Worthy!

How to Spot Tricks of the Narcissistic Trade

How to spot tricks of the narcissistic trade. Not all who abuse are abusers. You may want to question this statement, but sit with me for a minute and let me explain. Yes, the actual abuser always exists. Their act of abuse is threaded so tightly within their core being that it is rooted in their nature. The abuser needs control over their victim and every aspect of their environment. You can never trust that an abuser will change their ways. What I described here is the abuser a victim must escape from to have any chance of a safe, drama-free existence.

Then, there exist others who abuse but are not necessarily abusers. This type of person carries forth behaviors modeled by their parents, someone prominent from their past, or even society. What one generation considers as proper behavior often the next generation labels as abuse. Anyone who abuses may do so as a result of having experienced some form of traumatic wound. But the person who abuses, yet is not necessarily an abuser, will respond to help when given. They take steps toward growth, ultimately overcoming their dysfunctional ways. In contrast, the genuine abuser shuns such help.

All who are honest with themselves can recollect a time that they have, in one way or another, inflicted some form of abuse, minute or otherwise, upon another. This fact is why it is critical to distinguish between the actual abuser and someone who once did or currently engages in abusive actions.

Discerning Between the Abuser and One Who Abuses

Here is a way to discern between the two. The person who abuses is open to receiving help to change their ways. It is not unusual for them to go the extra step, seeking this help on their own. On the other hand, the authentic abuser hides behind a narcissistic shield, showing no genuine desire to change. They frequently twist facts, making it seem like they are the victim as a form of gaslighting.

It is commonplace for a victim to make excuses for their abuser, especially when that abuser is someone they love or with whom they have wrapped a dream around. However, having an understanding of a person’s unactable actions is very different from excusing their abusive behavior. ABUSE IS NEVER OKAY.

The Hidden Diamond

In my book, The Hidden Diamond, my character, Aldous, is modeled after an actual person, the man who lived across the street, who molested and even raped me as a child. In reality, that man fits under the category of a bona fide, scheming, dangerous abuser. But for the purpose of my book, I placed him under the second category—someone capable of being transformed. Doing this gave me the ability to illustrate how some people who engage in the act of abuse due to past trauma can heal and rehabilitate. It also allowed me to weave the element of forgiveness into my story—a crucial ingredient for healing.

Aldous’s wife, Mariam, behaved in the exact way that the wife of this actual man across the street had. I can only surmise why she did so, which causes me to think of my mother. In past blogs, I’ve revealed much of Mother’s abusive actions toward me. My inside knowledge of her nature has given me awareness of much of the abuse that she had endured. That abuse broke her, yet the small, dimmed flame of a child-like heart still shines through.

Unhealed abuse can emotionally freeze a person to the maturity level at which a traumatic action occurred, keeping that person a wounded child in an adult body. Most children cannot stand up to authority figures. I believe this happened to my mother. I can only surmise that this also is why the person behind The Hidden Diamond’s character, Mariam, enabled the man across the street by making herself scarce so he could perform his vial acts in private.

Speak Your Truth

My ex exemplified perfectly the narcissistic abuser, skilled at gaslighting and much, much more. Every abusive action he did, he skillfully twisted around, accusing me of doing. For most of the twenty-six years that I remained with him, I had the naive belief that everyone has good intentions. I innocently assumed that if I found the right words to explain things clearly, he would understand, and things would improve.

I would spend hours formulating my words just the right way, practicing them in private, and even writing them down in journals. If I only said things correctly, I knew my ex would understand. If he were a person who abused others due to reasons I disclosed previously in this post, my efforts may have worked, but he was not. He was and still is an abuser.

Everything I accused him of doing, he turned around on me. I know now that I could have talked with him until no more breath existed in my lungs, and it never would have done any good. This scenario is typical with the narcissistic abuser—they have no desire to hear you. They have no desire for a healthy relationship. All they want is total control.

Your life is a precious resource. You deserve to have people treat you with respect. If someone is abusing you, a place to begin to receive help is the National Domestic Violence Hotline https://www.thehotline.org  (800-799-7233) or text “START” to 88788. They can help you identify abuse, help you prepare a safety plan, find a shelter in your local area, and much more.

Note To My Readers

Hopefully, you have gained value from this blog post. If you have, I would like to offer you the opportunity to purchase my books. You can purchase The Hidden Diamond and Robin’s Gift at BUY THE BOOK – Crystal MM Huntley. However, if you prefer to purchase my books from Amazon, you will find The Hidden Diamond at  http://www.amazon.com/The-Hidden-Diamond-Crystal-MM-Huntley/dp/1665573767 and Robin’s Gift at https://www.amazon.com/Robins-Gift-Crystal-MM-Huntley/dp/B0CVL7746N. Other places to buy my books are at https://bkbookshoppe.com and https://bizybookstore.com.

Each purchase of my books supports my mission to help those trapped in abuse break those chains and find their way to freedom while drawing closer to their Maker. Once you have read either of my books, feel free to leave a review on the site you purchased from. Your review will encourage others also to seek out the path of healing.

The Hidden Diamond – Immerse yourself in a journey that uncovers the worth of a wounded soul amongst a lifetime of sin.
Robin’s Gift – Lost and alone, Natalie’s biggest dream is a desire to be loved. A tragic accident calls her home. Can she return and face her greatest fear?

What Is the Best Ultimate Choice for You Today?

What is the best ultimate choice for you today? In everything, you have a choice. That choice may be small or monumental, whether you stay or leave. How you react to a situation, the choice is yours to make.

What Makes the Difference?

For years, I have pondered the question of why I made it through the immense abuse from my past when so many others have not survived similar situations, either physically or with all their mental faculties intact. I battled through all that guck poured upon me and came out stronger. What made the difference in my situation? That profound, complicated question is multilayered. One that cannot be satisfied with a quick, easy answer.

No one person can ever see the complexity hidden within another. And also, no matter how exhaustive someone may search, it is impossible to get an adequate inside view of what another has endured. Not to mention, the same event affects each person in uniquely different ways. With that in mind, I will attempt to provide an answer to this puzzling question. So, here it goes.

Why do some people make it through abuse not only intact but even stronger while others break? Before I pour light into that baffling question, I must disclose that with each person involved, no one, not ever that individual, can ever perceive a complete explanation. However, Part of the answer lies in three things

  • The person’s willingness to seek help with an open mind.
  • Their readiness to soak in new knowledge.
  • Their ability to tackle even the most challenging obstacles.

The Barrier of Shame

Shame provides an impenetrable barrier for many. Ross’s suffering (not his real name) leads to his inability to provide for himself. To compensate, he frequently asks for money from family members and friends. Rich and I once informed Ross of a food bank within walking distance from his home, but Ross refused to go. He associated a negative stigma with people who take “handouts” from an organization like that. Yet, in Ross’s mind, he views it acceptable to ask for handouts from those he knows.

Ross neglects to see that he is still asking for handouts. The difference is that he is asking from people he considers as family instead of establishments with the resources to help those in need. Ross has twisted reality to excuse his actions with the dysfunctional belief that the people close to him are obliged to meet his needs, whatever they may be.

A Time-Proven Proverb

Do you remember this time-proven proverb?

“Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and you feed him for a lifetime.”

Ross has no interest in learning how to fish. Instead, he wants others to go fishing for him and throw him their catch. Responding to Ross’s demands would enable him in his problems, an action Rich and I will not do, even if it means Ross, in response, refuses to speak to us, which he on and off continues to do. A reaction such as that, which Ross chose, proves all the more that it would not be helpful to him to throw him a fish.

In my viewpoint, more honor exists in a person’s willingness to humble themselves and ask for help from organizations created to aid those in need than to guilt the people who love you into handing over money. Rich and I had recommended this specific church not only because of its ample food bank but also because of the many programs it provides to educate people out of desperate positions. In other words, it is a place that “teaches a person how to fish.” But Ross, like so many others, does not want to learn how to fish. Instead, they merely desire for someone to throw them a fish.

There Is No Shame in Seeking Help.

To see more Crystalisms, go to https://www.facebook.com/groups/1360983917796761.

I have a friend, I will call her Denise, who suffered through similar tragedies as I have. The abuse she endured broke her emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. She stumbles through each day, shadowed by the harrowing memories and devastating effects of her past. Many who love Denise have reached out to support her in receiving the help she needs, but Denise refuses to accept their offers. You see, another villain Denise battles is a beast called Shame.

One of the many reasons why abuse affects a person their entire life is because abuse does not enter someone’s life singlehandedly. Any abusive action carries with it “partners in crime,” so to speak. One of the most common “partners in crime” is shame.

The abusive action, whatever it may be, devastates a particular moment in time, but its partner, shame, cements that violation to its victim, taking over their identity and very existence. Shame pours added poison into the victim’s soul. The only way to break free from its crippling effects is to face it head-on. Many people refuse to face this enemy because doing so can be frightening and takes years, even decades, of hard work. We human beings tend to want to take the easy way out. The problem with this desire is that there often is no easy way out, especially when it comes to healing from abuse.

Help Is Available

The good side to all this is we now live in a day and age where society is dragging abuse out from behind closed doors and bringing it into the light. Along with this enlightening, the stigma of therapy and receiving other such help is dissolving. My mother’s generation did not have such beneficial help. So, I implore all of you whom abuse has entered into your lives to SEEK HELP. Doing so is the only way to step out of your shame and allow the opportunity to turn something horrible into an asset for your and other’s benefit. In January 2024, I wrote a series of blogs to help victims find their way out of abuse.

Here are resources I’ve posted throughout that series and more.

Note To My Readers

Hopefully, you have gained value from this blog post. If you have, I would like to offer you the opportunity to purchase my books. You can purchase The Hidden Diamond and Robin’s Gift at BUY THE BOOK – Crystal MM Huntley. However, if you prefer to purchase my books from Amazon, you will find The Hidden Diamond at  http://www.amazon.com/The-Hidden-Diamond-Crystal-MM-Huntley/dp/1665573767 and Robin’s Gift at https://www.amazon.com/Robins-Gift-Crystal-MM-Huntley/dp/B0CVL7746N. Other places to buy my books are at https://bkbookshoppe.com and https://bizybookstore.com.

Each purchase of my books supports my mission to help those trapped in abuse break those chains and find their way to freedom while drawing closer to their Maker. Once you have read either of my books, feel free to leave a review on the site you purchased from. Your review will encourage others also to seek out the path of healing.

Do You Accept Your Valuable Gift of Freedom?

Do you accept your valuable gift of freedom? Freedom is an innate gift to us all, however, most who walk this earth have never known the joy of its blessings. Tomorrow, the United States of America commemorates its freedom gained in 1776 by signing the Declaration of Independence. People celebrate this monumental day in many ways, including fireworks, barbeques, and gatherings. Still, this freedom did not come without a cost. It transpired from multiple wars, resulting in the sacrifice of countless people who gave their lives for this unifying goal.

To see more Crystalisms, go to https://www.facebook.com/groups/1360983917796761.

Freedom for our nation is not the only sovereignty we need to fight for and celebrate. We each have our liberty of self, which few have enjoyed since birth. Far too many of us must fight a war of a different sort to gain such desired liberation. I’ve fought that war for most of my life. One of my biggest battles occurred in 2012 when I escaped my abusive then-husband for the safety of a local shelter. That monumental battle for the first time in my life brought me, to physical safety from others. But my war did not end there.

Once physically safe, I had gained the needed strength and groundwork to face the battles that led to my mental and emotional liberation. Many conclude that I have won this second war. But skirmishes to maintain and shore up that deliverance continue to arise. It is up to me to remain diligent in anything that could threaten my freedom. It is up to me to be ready to defend this freedom when needed.

Your Freedom Muscle

Your freedom is the same as any muscle within your body. You must provide those muscles with the proper nourishment and exercise, or they will deteriorate. When referring to physical muscles, that is easy to accomplish unless something you are unprepared for gets in the way, like an illness, injury, or unforeseen effects of aging.

In many of my previous posts, I have mentioned that I live with the degenerative effects of Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. One of the effects of this devastating syndrome is how challenging it is to build up muscle tone, a war I fight daily. To keep my muscle tissue from deteriorating, I have been in and out of physical therapy most of my life and engage in at least thirty minutes of a specific exercise program no less than five days a week.

Such insubstantial muscles, combined with loose, hyperflexible connective tissue, make it typical for people with this syndrome to become wheelchair-bound and even bedridden. As a result of this abnormality, maintaining my ability to walk and function is a war I battle daily. In my May 8th, 2023 blog post, https://www.crystalmmhuntley.com/revealing-my-healing-the-miraculous-truth/, I disclosed how, after ten years in a wheelchair, I fought my way back to walking. I continue this fight daily, determined to have the best quality of life possible and never again need such assistance.

A War of a Different Sort

Along with this fight for muscle strength, I also battle another war—to not fall into the pitfalls of the mind games my past abusers skillfully installed into me. Those “games” drilled into my brain destructive thoughts such as “I’m no good.” I’m unworthy.” “I’m ugly.” “I’ll never amount to anything.” Such lies are endless. They are an enemy that stalks us at every turn.

But God placed within each of us a muscle stronger than any lie. If you nourish and exercise that muscle, you can utilize it anytime to counteract whatever lie pursues you. God assisted in this endeavor through Deuteronomy 20:1. It reminds us not to be frightened when going to war, for the Lord your God is with you.

My abusers successfully and securely locked into my mindset the concept that I had no value. Consequently, I carried that thought with me at all times. One of the problems with holding onto such a false philosophy is that humans tend to find validation for whatever we seek.

I, like many, did not escape this mind game trap. I sincerely believed that God created me as a lesser being, with my only purpose being to service the needs of others, no matter what they may be or who made such demands. Let me make this clear. God created each one of us with equal value!

To see more Crystalisms, go to https://www.facebook.com/groups/1360983917796761.

You Must Make the Choice to Accept Your Blessings.

That destructive mentality crippled me, robbing me of any chance of joy. I believe the God of love wants us all released from the tribulations of this world. Our Loving Savior continuously offers you blessings to pull you out of your pitfalls, but because of God’s gift of free agency granted to us all, it is up to you to accept those blessings or to let them pass.

One day, someone introduced me to Michael W. Smith’s song “Surrounded.” Michael W. Smith – Surrounded (Fight My Battles) (youtube.com). The lyrics of this song infiltrated my brain, repeating over and over, night and day. It counteracted those destructive thoughts like a vaccination. This song dominated my brain long enough to conquer that well-formed destructive thought pattern and then faded. By then, I had learned how to use it as a weapon against self-defeating lies that threaten my internal peace.

To utilize this God-given gift, I must put into play an exercise of a different sort. As a result, whenever something threatens my self-esteem or fills me with fear, I sing this song or set it to play on repeat mode. If I neglect to exercise this gift, just like any forgotten muscle, it will fade from existence. I believe God gifted me that song to use as a tool to set me free. Let your eyes remain open to gifts The Almighty bestows upon you, and accept them with gratitude.

You Must Reach Out Your Hand and Receive.

I have a dear, long-time friend who remains trapped within the shackles of lies robbing him of his innate God-given self-worth. Because of this, my heart goes out to this dear friend. For I know first-hand the agony with which he suffers. I’ve offered him many avenues of support. Yet, so far, he has accepted none. One of the pitfalls a lowered self-esteem brings is that its victim feels unworthy of receiving help, providing yet another barrier they must overcome. All I can do is continue to make such offers, but he must reach out his hand to receive.

Robin’s Gift

To create Natalie, one of the main characters from my book Robin’s Gift, I delved into my old feelings of abandonment, betrayal, and insecurity. I placed her in loose-fitting clothing to illustrate her low self-worth. She used such baggy garb as a shield to hide her true self. God provides Natalie a way out of this detrimental mindset through the wisdom offered by Lucy, a dear friend and resident of Autumn’s Grace Nursing Home, where Natalie worked. I invite you to read Robin’s Gift and discover Natalie’s full story.

Note To My Readers

Hopefully, you have gained value from this blog post. If you have, I would like to offer you the opportunity to purchase my books. You can purchase The Hidden Diamond and Robin’s Gift at BUY THE BOOK – Crystal MM Huntley. However, if you prefer to purchase my books from Amazon, you will find The Hidden Diamond at  http://www.amazon.com/The-Hidden-Diamond-Crystal-MM-Huntley/dp/1665573767 and Robin’s Gift at https://www.amazon.com/Robins-Gift-Crystal-MM-Huntley/dp/B0CVL7746N. Other places to buy my books are at https://bkbookshoppe.com and https://bizybookstore.com.

Each purchase of my books supports my mission to help those trapped in abuse break those chains and find their way to freedom while drawing closer to their Maker. Once you have read either of my books, feel free to leave a review on the site you purchased from. Your review will encourage others also to seek out the path of healing.

The Hidden Diamond – Immerse yourself in a journey that uncovers the worth of a wounded soul amongst a lifetime of sin.
Robin’s Gift – Lost and alone, Natalie’s biggest dream is a desire to be loved. A tragic accident calls her home. Can she return and face her greatest fear?

A Different Light Alexandra Another Reason to Forgive Back to My Story Boundaries Direct Forms of Religious Abuse Domestic Abuse Defined Emotional Abuse – an Umbrella Term Faith Shattered Forgiveness Does Not Mean to Forget. Free Giveaway From Robin’s Gift Grace Hope Invite Long-term Effects My Fight for You My Solution My Story Note To My Readers Perfection’s Curse Resources Robin’s Gift Robin’s Gift – A Sneak Peak Seeking Help Step Five Step Four Step One Step Six Step Three Step Two Take the Challenge The Hidden Diamond The Root Meaning of Sin The Scars of Abuse To Find Help To My Readers Two Other Forms of Legal Abuse Unveiling the Hidden Crime Upcoming Posts What Is Legal Abuse? Why Do I Forgive? Why I Share Why I Write You Are Worthy!

Are You a Workaholic? Revealing Its Hidden Cause.

Are you a workaholic? Revealing its hidden cause. People have a long history of doing all they can to skirt around facing unwanted feelings. The drug addict, the sex addict, those addicted to anger and abusive ways, the forms of addictions are countless. Often, they have become that way due to avoiding their feelings instead of facing them so they can heal.

Why would someone want to confront those undesired emotions? Doing so would mean jumping out of the safety of their raft and into deep, icy-cold waters with waves smashing against them. Without the protective shield of their vessel, it seems impossible to reach the shoreline. Yet their addiction would cause them to neglect to notice that their lifeboat has no paddles nor a functioning motor, which means that the boat, their addiction, will keep them stranded. The only way to become rescued is to jump out and swim ashore. In other words, they must accept what they have been avoiding.

To see more Crystalisms, go to https://www.facebook.com/groups/1360983917796761.

Do you keep yourself overtly busy as a way of burying feelings? This workaholic tendency is a common way to escape facing emotions that someone would much rather ignore. Today’s go, go society facilitates the number of those who engage in this activity to reach epidemic levels.

Robin’s Gift

In my book Robin’s Gift, Melody exemplifies an expert workaholic. Melody’s heart broke with the death of her mother. Those severed pieces shattered even more as bitter disappointment settled in Melody’s heart when her siblings abandoned her, leaving her alone with the overwhelming task of managing their family’s affairs.

Those feelings seemed more than Melody could bear. So she painted on a smile and turned to her time-proven friend, workaholism. However, as you turn the pages of Robin’s Gift, you will read about the path Melody took to discover the pitfalls of her method and learn a more effective way that leads to healing instead of destruction.

Not Me?

I have known about this tendency for years. But I assumed it did not apply to me. Yes, I have always been a driven person. I’m known to push myself to the limit and beyond. I have done this so often that it is difficult to recognize where my healthy borders lie.

In many ways, I agree that the title of workaholism applies to me, but I could not have fallen into its trap as a way to steer clear from feeling my emotions. How could I, when I have delved into those emotions while creating my writings over so much of my life? Not to mention, I’ve taken advantage of the benefits of therapy for over two decades. And according to many of my therapists, I have grown leaps and bounds. So, my form of workaholism must stem from passionate motivation and not the avoidance of feelings.

But then, one day, a revelation hit me. As my brain constantly focuses on the multiple tasks I need to accomplish, it skillfully pulls me away from the present moment. When I uncovered this realization, I attempted to settle my thoughts and focus on the present time. That shouldn’t be too hard to do. After all, when I write, I remain in complete focus.

So, I began to pay attention to my thoughts while engaged in other activities. It soon became apparent that my writing time remained the sole activity that spared me from the flood of must-do thoughts. That swirl of invasive demands binds together, forming a massive ball that removes me from the present task. Then it struck—I use workaholism to avoid the feelings that the present moment brings.

The Difficulty of Now

Why is it so difficult to settle in the present moment? What makes it such a frightening place to reside? As I asked myself this question, a wave of memories frightening memories engulfed me from my past. I took a deep breath and settled my heartbeat. That reality existed only in my past. I am now safe.

Even though my mind had successfully processed those traumatic events, the cells of my body still held onto many frightening feelings. If I slowed down, breathed in deeply, and, while knowing I am safe, access those feelings, even naming them, maybe I could release each one. But doing that requires far more than mere work but also the reentrance of an area I have successfully built up a barrier to shield me from.

Proverbs 28:13 (EHV) says, “A person who conceals his sins will not prosper, but one who confesses and abandons them will receive mercy.”

But how does running from buried feelings relate to sin? The answer to that question is twofold. Even if avoidance does not appear as a sin, that behavior sets off a chain reaction, sending a person down a bramble-filled path.

Miss the Mark

I want to stop here and provide a more discernable definition of “sin.” Within the New Testament, the word “sin” originated from the Greek word “hamartia.” Originally, this word was used as an archery term, meaning to “miss the mark.”

I love this knowledge, for, as a child, my parents instilled in me a fear of condemnation. Learning this definition of sin helped me to lessen my phobia by removing the sense of condemnation associated with that fundamental term. I believe with every fiber of my being that God Is Love. A true loving God does not want to condemn us but, instead, desires to gather us into His loving arms of salvation. A true loving God would help us recognize where we have “missed the mark” and point us in the right direction.

I imply you to take courage. Step out of your boat and place your feet on solid ground.

Note To My Readers

Hopefully, you have gained value from this blog post. If you have, I would like to offer you the opportunity to purchase my books. You can purchase The Hidden Diamond and Robin’s Gift at BUY THE BOOK – Crystal MM Huntley. However, if you prefer to purchase my books from Amazon, you will find The Hidden Diamond at  http://www.amazon.com/The-Hidden-Diamond-Crystal-MM-Huntley/dp/1665573767 and Robin’s Gift at https://www.amazon.com/Robins-Gift-Crystal-MM-Huntley/dp/B0CVL7746N. Other places to buy my books are at https://bkbookshoppe.com and https://bizybookstore.com.

Each purchase of my books supports my mission to help those trapped in abuse break those chains and find their way to freedom while drawing closer to their Maker. Once you have read either of my books, feel free to leave a review on the site you purchased from. Your review will encourage others also to seek out the path of healing.

The Hidden Diamond – Immerse yourself in a journey that uncovers the worth of a wounded soul amongst a lifetime of sin.
Robin’s Gift – Lost and alone, Natalie’s biggest dream is a desire to be loved. A tragic accident calls her home. Can she return and face her greatest fear?

A Different Light Alexandra Another Reason to Forgive Back to My Story Boundaries Direct Forms of Religious Abuse Domestic Abuse Defined Emotional Abuse – an Umbrella Term Faith Shattered Forgiveness Does Not Mean to Forget. Free Giveaway From Robin’s Gift Grace Hope Invite Long-term Effects My Fight for You My Solution My Story Note To My Readers Perfection’s Curse Resources Robin’s Gift Robin’s Gift – A Sneak Peak Seeking Help Step Five Step Four Step One Step Six Step Three Step Two Take the Challenge The Hidden Diamond The Root Meaning of Sin The Scars of Abuse To Find Help To My Readers Two Other Forms of Legal Abuse Unveiling the Hidden Crime Upcoming Posts What Is Legal Abuse? Why Do I Forgive? Why I Share Why I Write You Are Worthy!

Revealing a Peculiar Hidden Link to Survivor’s Guilt.

Revealing a peculiar hidden link to survivor’s guilt and healing. So why do some people heal when others break? This question is an ageless one that survivors have asked countless times. You know how it goes—one person, scheduled on a flight, cancels their reservation at the last minute. The plane crashes in mid-air. Yet, the unforeseen cancelation spared that person’s life. But what about the lives of all those others?

A military platoon on a mission is hit by a grenade. Only one soldier makes it out alive. He lies in a hospital bed severely wounded and wonders why his life was spared but not the lives of his comrades in service.

A ferocious tornado storms through a neighborhood, demolishing to mere splinters every home except for one. That spared family surveys the incomprehensible damage that surrounds them. The question of “why were only we protected” places a dark shadow over the gratitude within their heart.

These three scenarios I described are examples of survivor’s guilt. It remains common among those who make it out of a tragedy alive or unscathed, while others do not. Due to such situations, countless people petition God with the question of why.

I also have battled a form of survivor’s guilt. Many therapists who have guided me through the bulk of healing from my abusive past have stated amazement at how far I have come. More than one therapist declared that due to the severity of the abuse I had endured, the fact that I survived with my mental factors intact is a rarity. Most people, if they made it through alive, would at the very least exist with shattered mental facilities. They attribute the reason I did not break to my being blessed with a strong mental constitution.

Only One Life Spared

We may never know why God chose to spare the life of one person but not another. People have grappled in many directions for an answer to that baffling question. I understand the temptation but see it as a fruitless search.

“I don’t think the way you think. The way you work isn’t the way I work.” God’s Decree. “For as the sky soars high above earth, so the way I work surpasses the way you work, and the way I think is beyond the way you think. (Isaiah 55:8) (MSG)

To see more Crystalisms, go to https://www.facebook.com/groups/1360983917796761.

I don’t know why my Savior lifted me out of the fire. I know many who have suffered abuse similar to what I went through, but for unknown reasons, they remain seriously broken. Because of this knowledge, I, too, have suffered survivor’s guilt. But instead of allowing this quilt to cripple me, I have used it as a launching pad to assist others trapped in the vicious claws of abuse. I feel commissioned to use what I have learned to help them break those chains of abuse and guide them down a path toward healing.  

Still, why do some people make it through tragedies victoriously while others don’t? People have asked this question throughout generations. Many who are well-meaning yet misguided recklessly toss out the saying that the answer lies within each person’s choices. To some extent, I see the truth in their statement. However, I believe the answer contains far more layers than that simple and extreme black-or-white one.

More Than a Choice

Yes, the choices someone makes have a monumental effect on their life. There is no disputing this fact. However, one must consider the multitude of other contributing factors. For example, the strength and makeup of a person’s mental constitution vastly differ from one person to another. Environmental circumstances also play a fact. Even two children growing up in the same home can have vastly different outside influences. Not to mention, parents often treat their children differently.

To give an example, I will use my sister and me. Any frequent reader of my posts and those of you who have picked up my books can easily derive that I came from an abusive background. Part of that abuse included an extreme difference between the way my parents treated my sister and me.

Also, our unique personalities caused my sister and me to respond differently to the same events. Such minute variances will send a person down an entirely different path. My sister has journeyed far down her healing past, yet because her path varies from mine, similar milestones exist in a different order on her route than they do on mine.

Choose Kindness

We each have the choice to heal or to revel in our pain. That choice is universal. However, be kind to yourself and others as the effects of wounds make their glaring presence. You will never completely know another person’s story. Also, the person who struggles the most may have trudged ahead far more miles than those who appear to have it all together. We don’t know the starting point of another.

Note To My Readers

Hopefully, you have gained value from this blog post. If you have, I would like to offer you the opportunity to purchase my books. You can purchase The Hidden Diamond and Robin’s Gift at BUY THE BOOK – Crystal MM Huntley. However, if you prefer to purchase my books from Amazon, you will find The Hidden Diamond at  http://www.amazon.com/The-Hidden-Diamond-Crystal-MM-Huntley/dp/1665573767 and Robin’s Gift at https://www.amazon.com/Robins-Gift-Crystal-MM-Huntley/dp/B0CVL7746N. Other places to buy my books are at https://bkbookshoppe.com and https://bizybookstore.com.

Each purchase of my books supports my mission to help those trapped in abuse break those chains and find their way to freedom while drawing closer to their Maker. Once you have read either of my books, feel free to leave a review on the site you purchased from. Your review will encourage others also to seek out the path of healing.

The Hidden Diamond – Immerse yourself in a journey that uncovers the worth of a wounded soul amongst a lifetime of sin.

Robin’s Gift – Lost and alone, Natalie’s biggest dream is a desire to be loved. A tragic accident calls her home. Can she return and face her greatest fear?

A Different Light Alexandra Another Reason to Forgive Back to My Story Boundaries Direct Forms of Religious Abuse Domestic Abuse Defined Emotional Abuse – an Umbrella Term Faith Shattered Forgiveness Does Not Mean to Forget. Free Giveaway From Robin’s Gift Grace Hope Invite Long-term Effects My Fight for You My Solution My Story Note To My Readers Perfection’s Curse Resources Robin’s Gift Robin’s Gift – A Sneak Peak Seeking Help Step Five Step Four Step One Step Six Step Three Step Two Take the Challenge The Hidden Diamond The Root Meaning of Sin The Scars of Abuse To Find Help To My Readers Two Other Forms of Legal Abuse Unveiling the Hidden Crime Upcoming Posts What Is Legal Abuse? Why Do I Forgive? Why I Share Why I Write You Are Worthy!

Do You Know How to Find Freedom from Your Perspective?

Do you know how to find freedom from your perspective? For many, doing so is no easy task, but it is well worth the effort. Ask yourself this question. Does my standpoint build me up, or does it suppress me? Those of us victimized by abuse have been trained in the know-how of suppression. The abuser imprints this skill on their victim as a way of control. Therefore, breaking out of that limited way of thinking frees a person to discover a new life filled with meaning.

Over the past year-and-a-half, my sweetie did just that. He broke out of his old way of thinking that did not serve him. He then adopted a new attitude and implemented lifestyle changes. These changes led to his ability to shed over one hundred pounds. Consequently, Rich now experiences new freedom within his body. He has found strength, stamina, energy, less knee and back pain, and many more beneficial results.

Such a drastic change sets many things into motion. Each new element brings an opportunity to choose a perspective. Rich now deals with loose folds of skin that cover his belly region. Many would see this as a blemish to hide from sight or, if possible, remove. However, instead of choosing a stance that causes shame, we have decided to use a far different viewpoint. We’ve chosen one that lifts Rich up. We see those skin folds as a trophy, reminding us of the superb achievement that Rich has accomplished. 

The Two-Sided Coin

Like the two-sided proverbial coin, everything in life can be seen from an opposite angle. I am close to someone—I will call Deric—who sees obstacles as freezing points. When Deric comes to a hitch, he gets stuck at the overwhelming challenge in front of him. I’ve discovered that trying to push him beyond that point does no good. Deric cannot move from his position because of those boulders set in his path. To Deric, they appear far too large to move.

For now, from where he is on his healing path, Deric needs the help of someone to compassionately take his hand and show him how to walk around such boulders. In other words, find solutions that crumble that massive rock into pebbles so he can step over it and move on.

This challenge that Deric struggles with is commonplace to many of us. In fact, only a small percentage of us have been born with the innate courage to climb over such boulders and see them as challenges to tackle. 

To see more Crystalisms, go to https://www.facebook.com/groups/1360983917796761.

Robin’s Gift

In my book, Robin’s Gift, Natalie finds her growth frozen by the multitude of gigantic boulders placed in her path. She feels that the effects of abuse have scarred her life far too much to move on.

Because of such deep scarring, Natalie chose to hide herself. She hides her past from everyone around her, setting up an impenetrable barrier, not letting anyone close enough that they can discover elements of the previous life she had once led. But Natalie’s hiding does not stop there. She also covers herself by turning her clothing into an armor of sorts as she hides behind loose-fitting baggy outfits.

The Master of Making Good Out of Bad

I believe God blesses everyone with what they need when they need it. So often, people ask questions like, “Why did God make my loved one sick?” “How could God allow my child to die?” “Why didn’t God save my home from that storm?” No ending exists to this type of question. They arrive from the deepest part of a person’s heart, scarred by seeping wounds that run so deep it may feel they could never heal.

God never makes bad things happen! Let me repeat this—GOD NEVER MAKES BAD THINGS HAPPEN. Bad things occur because of the accumulated effects of our humanness, beginning from when the first person walked this Earth.

God is The Master of making good out of the bad that has occurred. Remember, God granted us the gift of free agency. And yet regardless of our choices, our loving Savior always remains at our side with a stretched-out hand, waiting for us to grasp onto it. Our Lord does not make bad things happen. However, our Savior will always walk us through hardships to the other side if we allow Him to.

Earth Angels

I can look back on my life and see how, throughout every aspect, God has placed at least one of what I call Earthly angels in my path. These angels are a way that God carries us through challenging moments and brings us to safety on the other side.

As a child, Cathy became the embodiment of one of those angels. She provided me with a safe spot to escape the abuse I endured. During my teenage years, Lue, my piano teacher, became another Earth angel. Many, many more have crossed my path. God’s love is ceaseless. Because of this fact, I can rest assured that more angels will come in and out of my life till the end of my existence here on earth. I know I got pretty preachy here. I think I’m done now with my sermon, but I did have a purpose with it.

Robin’s Gift

Back to Natalie, from Robin’s Gift—Here comes that purpose—Natalie has a friend named Lucy who sees through Natalie’s hiding attempts. Lucy recognized that Natalie wore her loose-fitting smocks as a symbolic attempt to disguise her emotional scars. Those scars became an impenetrable boulder in Natalie’s path.

But Lucy is that Earth Angel who helps Natalie step around that boulder so she can find a new and marvelous life on the other side. Lucy helps Natalie see how God turns scars into beauty marks. Lucy’s frequent phrase, “God is your beauty mark,” reminds Natalie to step aside and allow God to do His glorious work.

Ways We Hide

An untold number of ways to hide oneself exist in this imperfect world. We all, from time to time, have chosen to hide behind a boulder within our paths. Scaling a boulder or seeking a way around it can be exhausting. Often, we climb one only to find our pathway blocked by even another. These boulders frequently represent far too much work to overcome. During times like this, it can seem much easier to hunker down and shelter behind its granite side. Yet, if you make this choice, you will become its prisoner.

In what areas do you hide? What does hiding look like to you? Take a deep breath, open your eyes, and look for those Earth Angels. They await to guide you safely around that boulder and back onto your unique healing path.

Note To My Readers

Hopefully, you have gained value from this blog post. If you have, I would like to offer you the opportunity to purchase my books. You can purchase The Hidden Diamond and Robin’s Gift at BUY THE BOOK – Crystal MM Huntley. However, if you prefer to purchase my books from Amazon, you will find The Hidden Diamond at  http://www.amazon.com/The-Hidden-Diamond-Crystal-MM-Huntley/dp/1665573767 and Robin’s Gift at https://www.amazon.com/Robins-Gift-Crystal-MM-Huntley/dp/B0CVL7746N. Other places to buy my books are at https://bkbookshoppe.com and https://bizybookstore.com.

Each purchase of my books supports my mission to help those trapped in abuse break those chains and find their way to freedom while drawing closer to their Maker. Once you have read either of my books, feel free to leave a review on the site you purchased from. Your review will encourage others also to seek out the path of healing.

The Hidden Diamond – Immerse yourself in a journey that uncovers the worth of a wounded soul amongst a lifetime of sin.

Robin’s Gift – Lost and alone, Natalie’s biggest dream is a desire to be loved. A tragic accident calls her home. Can she return and face her greatest fear?

A Different Light Alexandra Another Reason to Forgive Back to My Story Boundaries Direct Forms of Religious Abuse Domestic Abuse Defined Emotional Abuse – an Umbrella Term Faith Shattered Forgiveness Does Not Mean to Forget. Free Giveaway From Robin’s Gift Grace Hope Invite Long-term Effects My Fight for You My Solution My Story Note To My Readers Perfection’s Curse Resources Robin’s Gift Robin’s Gift – A Sneak Peak Seeking Help Step Five Step Four Step One Step Six Step Three Step Two Take the Challenge The Hidden Diamond The Root Meaning of Sin The Scars of Abuse To Find Help To My Readers Two Other Forms of Legal Abuse Unveiling the Hidden Crime Upcoming Posts What Is Legal Abuse? Why Do I Forgive? Why I Share Why I Write You Are Worthy!

Why Are People Quick to Be Critical? Unlock the Answer.

Why are people quick to be critical? Unlock the answer. Abuse comes in many forms, some obvious, still others not so much. One of the more subtle yet widely spread forms of abuse is criticism.

To see more Crystalisms, go to https://www.facebook.com/groups/1360983917796761.

Five years ago, when my Westie was a pup, I struggled to run the hand-held vacuum over our hardwood floors without him going nuts as he attempted to attack it. Back then, I habitually read a profuse amount of articles to assist me in better training our furry baby.

One day, I stumbled across an article about how to handle your dog around vacuum cleaners. Happy anticipation filled me as I read on. Instead of providing helpful answers, however, the author merely squashed my joy. She crassly stated, “If you vacuumed more often, you wouldn’t have a problem.”  Those coarse printed words registered within my brain, repressing me with a thick dose of criticism.

I used to let such comments cripple me, but not so much anymore. It took many years of healing work to overcome this tendency to allow disapproving comments to cut me. I now recognize that far too often, overtly critical people speak more of themselves than of others. People who are quick to criticize live with the cursed self-talk of an ever-critical mind. Imagine the horror they must exist in. Doing so will make it easier to let their judgmental comments wash over you with no effect.

Not everyone would agree with my statement of calling criticism an abuse. However, its definition includes using insulting and offensive language against another. The difference between abusive and constructive criticism lies within a person’s intent. Is the user attempting to provide guidance, even if in a clumsy manner? Or are they merely throwing out judgmental fault-finding?

Breaking Chains of Abuse

For most of my life, I didn’t need someone outside me to shout critical phrases directed at me to cower at its effects. My mother did a good enough job of drilling that harmful trait into me. I battled hearing its demeaning voice with practically everything I did.

I still suffer somewhat from this villain, but I’ve gained the strength and tools to fight it off when attacked. Such tools come with boldly breaking generational chains of abuse and entering into recovery. For those of you who are in the beginning steps of such a journey, I encourage you to continue moving forward. Far better days await you as a reward for your devoted work.

Always remember, you deserve to be treated well by others and yourself. Pay attention to your internal thoughts. What are you telling yourself? Do your private whispers build you up, or do they crumble you?

I grew up in an extraordinarily critical home. My parents labeled everything as godly or evil. I extend much gratitude to my Savior for creating me with an extra compassionate heart. I did all I could to shield people from my parents’ self-righteous judgments. However, I still learned their trait well, turning it inward as I became ruthless toward myself. My biggest battle to free myself from the demon of criticism rested within quelling those ruthless internal thought patterns.

For multiple years into my adulthood, I felt I had escaped their modeled criticism of others, but as I matured, I discovered how wrong I had been. As I grew older and wisdom entered within, it surprised me to see moments in my life where I, too, had been unjustly judgmental of another.

My Lesson from Karen

After my nineteenth birthday, a family living halfway across the continent from my parents graciously opened their home to me as I attended college. I stayed with them rent-free while working two jobs to save money for an apartment. Karen and Mike embraced me as family. Karen, especially, took me under her wing, delighting in teaching me multiple handy life skills.

My extremely fault-finding parents lived very frugal. One day, I helped Karen unpack a load of groceries. I pulled out a box of cookies as Karen found space in the cabinets for a bag of chips when nineteen years of training from my parents clicked in. “I’ll easily make it on my tight budget by sticking to basic food items. Extra like these,” I held up the cookies, “are unnecessary.” I flashed Karen a self-satisfied smile, proud of my “words of wisdom.” Karen responded by saying nothing as she continued to put groceries away.

As I watched Karen, my self-righteous comment cemented onto my brain, and an unsettled sensation attached to the lining of my gut. For many years, that unnerving moment stuck with me, even though, I didn’t understand why. As we take the path of healing, we not only heal from the damaging words and actions of others, but we also heal from those actions we have carried into our own lives.

In time, my wiser, introspective self could see the insult I had delivered to Karen. I also began to understand how I spat out that cutting phrase as a clumsy way of trying to prove my self-worth. With that thought in mind, is it possible the underlying reason people criticize is not to find fault in others? But instead, does such critical behavior stem from a burning desire to gain approval for themselves?

Constructive Criticism

To be a successful writer, one must be willing to accept constructive criticism. I place my heart and soul into each book and blog I write. This commitment makes me considerably vulnerable each time I hand over a completed manuscript to my editor, asking for his prudent opinion. To sharpen my writing skills, I must distinguish between constructive criticism and ruthless judgment. 

Next time someone criticizes you, don’t automatically let it soak in. Take time to discern their comments. Does value exist within those sharp phrases? If it does, then let your guard down and reap those rewards. If not, then recognize how that person is probably speaking more about themself than you. Don’t allow their words to soak in and harm you. Instead, have compassion for them, for they have just inadvertently revealed a tender area of vulnerability.

Note To My Readers

Hopefully, you have gained value from this blog post. If you have, I would like to offer you the opportunity to purchase my books. You can purchase The Hidden Diamond and Robin’s Gift hereat BUY THE BOOK – Crystal MM Huntley. However, if you prefer to purchase my books from Amazon, you will find The Hidden Diamond at  http://www.amazon.com/The-Hidden-Diamond-Crystal-MM-Huntley/dp/1665573767 and Robin’s Gift at https://www.amazon.com/Robins-Gift-Crystal-MM-Huntley/dp/B0CVL7746N. Other places to buy my books are at https://bkbookshoppe.com and https://bizybookstore.com.

Each purchase of my books supports my mission to help those trapped in abuse break those chains and find their way to freedom while drawing closer to their Maker. Once you have read either of my books, feel free to leave a review on the site you purchased from. Your review will encourage others also to seek out the path of healing.

The Hidden Diamond – Immerse yourself in a journey that uncovers the worth of a wounded soul amongst a lifetime of sin.

Robin’s Gift – Lost and alone, Natalie’s biggest dream is a desire to be loved. A tragic accident calls her home. Can she return and face her greatest fear?

A Different Light Alexandra Another Reason to Forgive Back to My Story Boundaries Direct Forms of Religious Abuse Domestic Abuse Defined Emotional Abuse – an Umbrella Term Faith Shattered Forgiveness Does Not Mean to Forget. Free Giveaway From Robin’s Gift Grace Hope Invite Long-term Effects My Fight for You My Solution My Story Note To My Readers Perfection’s Curse Resources Robin’s Gift Robin’s Gift – A Sneak Peak Seeking Help Step Five Step Four Step One Step Six Step Three Step Two Take the Challenge The Hidden Diamond The Root Meaning of Sin The Scars of Abuse To Find Help To My Readers Two Other Forms of Legal Abuse Unveiling the Hidden Crime Upcoming Posts What Is Legal Abuse? Why Do I Forgive? Why I Share Why I Write You Are Worthy!

Do You Know How to Stop Being a Victim?

Do you know how to stop being a victim? This lack of knowledge keeps many people trapped in the cycle of going from one abusive relationship to another. “Stop being a victim! Stop being a victim!” I have heard those words countless times over the twenty-six years of life with my ex. Abusers weaponize victimization against us, and like any abuser, my ex used victimhood against me.

We don’t know what we don’t know. My parents raised me to be a victim. My mother perfectly exemplified victimhood in her daily actions. Again, we don’t know what we don’t know. Being the victim became all my mother knew. As a result, she prostituted her innate intelligence and instead nurtured her expert ability to “play dumb.” My mother taught me that skill.

What Our Parents Teach Us

I recall my parents visiting when my youngest son was an infant. We toured a newly constructed temple at the World Headquarters of the church they had raised me in. I distinctly remember the tour guide pausing before a wall of windows displaying a view of a botanical garden.

Mother remained at the front of the group, near the guide. She interrupted his honed script with a question. As Mother’s words spilled from her mouth, a wave of embarrassment shot through me. I don’t remember what she asked, but I remember thinking that the answer to her inquiry was obvious. This event marked the first time I grew suspicious that she asked such basic questions for attention’s sake.

From that day on, I watched Mother’s behavior more closely and noticed how frequently she engaged in this action. God had blessed my mother with intelligence. She even held a degree, so why would she throw out her Divine-given smarts to “play dumb. As I paid attention to her actions, I noticed that I had learned from her the game of “playing dumb.”

During fifth grade, I remember raising my hand in Math class, feigning that I did not comprehend the fractions Mrs. Marshall attempted to teach. Yet an inner part of me betrayed the truth that I knew how to work that equation. So why did I profess, in front of the whole class, that I did not understand?

Why We Do Such Things

It took many years of growth to connect the dots and discover why I engaged in such deception. I had learned it from my mother. As I grew up, she drilled in me the false belief that I was supposed to behave in such a way. Once I shined a light on that action, I quickly concluded that I did not want to exist in such a way. Then, step by step, I worked my way out of that behavior.

So why did I pretend not to understand basic fractions? Such an action usually occurs due to a much deeper, underlined reason. As part of my healing work out of abuse, a ray of light illuminated the answer. I grew up parched for love. When someone does not receive the needed amount of healthy attention, they seek it out any way they can. In my case, I received a dose of satisfaction from my thirst each time I “played dumb.”

To see more Crystalisms, go to  https://www.facebook.com/groups/1360983917796761.

Enlightenment

This enlightenment seeped within me for some years. In time, it produced a cup of fully infused tea ready for consumption. With that absorption came the realization that my mother, with above-average intelligence, also thirsted for attention. After decades of suffering the effects of dehydration, somewhere along the line, Mother discovered that each time she “played dumb,” she received a drop of satisfaction.

Compassion toward my mother grew with this ray of enlightenment. This year, my mother will celebrate her eighty-eighth birthday. Her brain remains as sharp as ever, yet to the unknowing bystander, she gives off a mentally diminished appearance. However, I have the inside knowledge of the perception she has mastered throughout my lifetime.

Under certain circumstances, Mother reveals that she remains just as sharp as ever. But for multiple decades, she has expertly played the part of someone vastly different from how God created her. As a result, Mother knows no other reality. We don’t know what we don’t know. My mother knows no other way of existing.

Shaming Never Works

A truth I’ve gleaned during my healing journey is that we cannot shame a person into a behavior change. An underlying reason for why they act a certain way always exists. Each time my ex bombarded me by demanding that I “stop being a victim,” in actuality, he reinforced that behavior.

A person can’t just stop doing something. They need an understanding of why they do such a thing and compassionate guidance to work their way out. An abuser would never provide such help, for abusers need their victims to remain a victim. To an abuser, their victim is like nourishment to the body. Their panicked way of existence depends on keeping their chosen victim down and incapacitated.

Troy and Rachel

When victimhood is all someone has ever known that person can’t just stop. Let me give you an example of two people I know whose names I have changed.

Troy had a habit of speaking in noncommittal ways. This tendency immensely annoyed his wife, Rachel. After nearly a decade of frustration over her husband’s refusal to produce solid answers, Rachel began to wonder. Did that way of reacting weave its threads so deep within the fabric of Troy’s nature that he genuinely did not know how to speak with preciseness? So, she decided to change her approach. Instead of continuing to react in her old way of frustration, Rachael chose love.

With this choice of love, Rachel gained insight into how others in Troy’s past have used such noncommittal answers as tools with which to abuse him. In doing so, they reinforced Troy’s behavior. She refused to be numbered among those who had misused her husband.

As a result, Rachel vowed never again to accept any non-solid responses from her husband. Whenever Troy answered in his typical indecisive way, Rachel lovingly pushed him beyond his retort. “What are you saying? Is that a yes or no?” Rachel provided Troy with a safe and understanding place to learn and grow from. As she continued treating him this way, Troy began to learn a new and more effective way of communication that honored him and his wife, ultimately strengthening their marriage.

We Don’t Know What We Don’t Know.

We cannot shame anyone into change. Trying to do so is abuse. You deserve to seek out people who show you love and understanding. Nurture those relationships that use such tools to support your growth so you do not become stagnant in dysfunction. Do not pressure anyone to change. Instead, provide them the love and support they need to develop into who God meant them to be.

Note To My Readers

Hopefully, you have gained value from this blog post. If you have, I would like to offer you the opportunity to purchase my books. You can purchase The Hidden Diamond and Robin’s Gift here at BUY THE BOOK – Crystal MM Huntley. However, if you prefer to purchase my books from Amazon, you will find The Hidden Diamond at  http://www.amazon.com/The-Hidden-Diamond-Crystal-MM-Huntley/dp/1665573767 and Robin’s Gift at https://www.amazon.com/Robins-Gift-Crystal-MM-Huntley/dp/B0CVL7746N. Other places to buy my books are at https://bkbookshoppe.com and https://bizybookstore.com.

Each purchase of my books supports my mission to help those trapped in abuse break those chains and find their way to freedom while drawing closer to their Maker. Once you have read either of my books, feel free to leave a review on the site you purchased from. Your review will encourage others also to seek out the path of healing.

The Hidden Diamond – Immerse yourself in a journey that uncovers the worth of a wounded soul amongst a lifetime of sin.

Robin’s Gift – Lost and alone, Natalie’s biggest dream is a desire to be loved. A tragic accident calls her home. Can she return and face her greatest fear?

A Different Light Alexandra Another Reason to Forgive Back to My Story Boundaries Direct Forms of Religious Abuse Domestic Abuse Defined Emotional Abuse – an Umbrella Term Faith Shattered Forgiveness Does Not Mean to Forget. Free Giveaway From Robin’s Gift Grace Hope Invite Long-term Effects My Fight for You My Solution My Story Note To My Readers Perfection’s Curse Resources Robin’s Gift Robin’s Gift – A Sneak Peak Seeking Help Step Five Step Four Step One Step Six Step Three Step Two Take the Challenge The Hidden Diamond The Root Meaning of Sin The Scars of Abuse To Find Help To My Readers Two Other Forms of Legal Abuse Unveiling the Hidden Crime Upcoming Posts What Is Legal Abuse? Why Do I Forgive? Why I Share Why I Write You Are Worthy!

Do You Know How to Heal through Acceptance?

Do you know how to heal through acceptance? We each have areas we don’t want to accept in our lives. Yet, often, acceptance is the quickest path to healing. No one in their right mind would choose the life of a victim. This reality is why Natalie from Robin’s Gift ran from everything she knew. Natalie attempted to create a new life while obscuring her identity in the fictitious town of Wolfhead Lake, Kansas. To set her past, filled with unwanted memories, behind her, Robin even had a burning ceremony.

As I write, I place many elements from my life into my books. I also had a burning ceremony. I mistakenly believed that turning to ash everything that reminded me of my prior life would be my key to freedom. In my desire to cleanse my old self and build a new identity, I gathered everything that represented my past. I threw it all into a huge bonfire. I do not necessarily recommend this act.

The Past Holds Value.

After the fire burnt down and nothing but a pile of ashes sat before me, instead of the sense of freedom from my former self that I expected, empty sorrow seeped into my soul. As I’ve healed, I’ve discovered that no matter how much “bad” had existed within that representation of my former life, good also existed among it. By burning everything, I turned the good to ashes along with the bad.

As Natalie, in Robin’s Gift, threw items into her bonfire, her mind grasped the value connected to some of those objects. Fiction allows the freedom to make things turn out in a way that we wish something had. Natalie rescued that macramé wall-hanging Robin had made her.  Sadly the actual handmade gift Cathy made me burnt to ashes. I will always regret having done that. I receive a bit of solace in knowing that I at least have a picture of it.

Keep in mind that the past is a part of who you are. You cannot find yourself by turning your back on your former you. Instead, you must embrace your past. Thank that former you for all you did to bring the present you to this current moment in time. Remember, everything you experience is a part of your unique journey. By embracing all of it, you build strength in your God-given identity.

To see more Crystalisms, go to  https://www.facebook.com/groups/1360983917796761.

Boundaries

However, embracing your past does not require that you remain in relationships that harm you. Doing so is a common mistake many make. Sometimes, to heal, a person needs to step away from those they once leaned on. In some situations, this healing may even mean being willing to sever certain relationships.

Natalie in Robin’s Gift completely cut off contact with her parents. This act often is necessary for the victim to break free entirely from their abuser. I am not saying all who are escaping the life of abuse must do this, for each situation is different. However, under many circumstances, a form of severing the relationship becomes a necessary step toward freedom.

As a part of my healing journey, I, multiple times, closed the door on relationships with my parents, yet I never locked it. Each time I cut them from my life, they made it clear that my act broke their hearts, even condemning me for my choice. But, for my growth, I remained steadfast. After I achieved a level of progress in personal healthy development, I would open the door a crack and cautiously step through.  I hoped that during my respite, they too would grow, yet each try left me with a heap of disappointment.

In 2014, my father passed away. He carried with him to his dying day the same pompous attitude that he had nothing to be ashamed of. My father even went so far as to claim that God reserved the seat on His right-hand side for him and him alone and he was ready to claim it.

Acceptance

But once my father had passed, freeing my mother from beneath his domineering thumb, my mother began to make minute changes. Today, I maintain a steady, albeit cautious, relationship with my mother. She reaps much joy in the fact that I am in her life. She still lives obscured by multiple masks, entirely unaware that I exercise many boundaries within our relationship. But for the two of us, this system works.

This method works for my mother and me because I have accepted who my mother is and where the safety border between her and I resides. I take great care to never fall back into that old habit of believing in the fantasy of how I wish things were. Such a false narrative carries with it the danger of my acting as if it were true. Instead, I keep my feet firmly planted in the land of acceptance.

My acceptance has allowed me to grow. In not enabling my mother by holding her to the dream world she clings to, I have also been able to act as a catalyst in her growth.

As you move forward in your healing journey, keep a close eye on which relationships nurture you and which hold you back. Don’t let anyone guilt you into remaining connected with anyone who will sabotage your healing, regardless of who that person may be. You are worthy of complete freedom from abuse. Also, by choosing the path toward freedom, you show others the way, including those you love whom you may need to step away from, at least for a while.

Note To My Readers

Hopefully, you have gained value from this blog post. If you have, I would like to offer you the opportunity to purchase my books. You can purchase The Hidden Diamond and Robin’s Gift hereat BUY THE BOOK – Crystal MM Huntley. However, if you prefer to purchase my books from Amazon, you will find The Hidden Diamond at  http://www.amazon.com/The-Hidden-Diamond-Crystal-MM-Huntley/dp/1665573767 and Robin’s Gift at https://www.amazon.com/Robins-Gift-Crystal-MM-Huntley/dp/B0CVL7746N. Other places to buy my books are at https://bkbookshoppe.com and https://bizybookstore.com.

Each purchase of my books supports my mission to help those trapped in abuse break those chains and find their way to freedom while drawing closer to their Maker. Once you have read either of my books, feel free to leave a review on the site you purchased from. Your review will encourage others also to seek out the path of healing.

The Hidden Diamond – Immerse yourself in a journey that uncovers the worth of a wounded soul amongst a lifetime of sin.

Robin’s Gift – Lost and alone, Natalie’s biggest dream is a desire to be loved. A tragic accident calls her home. Can she return and face her greatest fear?

A Different Light Alexandra Another Reason to Forgive Back to My Story Boundaries Direct Forms of Religious Abuse Domestic Abuse Defined Emotional Abuse – an Umbrella Term Faith Shattered Forgiveness Does Not Mean to Forget. Free Giveaway From Robin’s Gift Grace Hope Invite Long-term Effects My Fight for You My Solution My Story Note To My Readers Perfection’s Curse Resources Robin’s Gift Robin’s Gift – A Sneak Peak Seeking Help Step Five Step Four Step One Step Six Step Three Step Two Take the Challenge The Hidden Diamond The Root Meaning of Sin The Scars of Abuse To Find Help To My Readers Two Other Forms of Legal Abuse Unveiling the Hidden Crime Upcoming Posts What Is Legal Abuse? Why Do I Forgive? Why I Share Why I Write You Are Worthy!

Are You Being Abused? Follow These 9 Important Steps.

Are you being abused? Follow these nine important steps. Finding one’s way out of abuse is no easy task. Since it is a path I have trod, I wish to share some steps I’ve learned to assist you on your journey.

Step 1: Saying Goodbye to Denial

The first step in finding your way out of abuse is the willingness to open your eyes to the truth surrounding you. To begin with, you must be willing to give up denial. In many ways, this may be the most rigorous step. This is because that denial has kept you safe.

As a child, denying reality gave me the ability to obey my father and remain safe from his wrath. Denial became my friend. It helped me survive an unbearable situation. This service is why the first step in healing is to thank that old friend for how well it has served you, then tell it goodbye.

This first step is challenging to many because their old life of denial has become their comfort zone. We all seek out comfort. It is unnatural to move into the uncomfortable, especially when done on purpose, but without making this shift, things will never change. Many who I know and love have opened their eyes to the abuse they exist in, yet they remain within those traps simply because they are unwilling to do the work it takes to step out of their comfort zone.

Step 2: Find a Support System

To escape the clutches of this heinous abuse is not an easy task. The way out will look different for each of us; however, no one can achieve this in isolation. To be successful, you must seek outside help.

Don’t expect the path toward freedom to guide you gradually on an up-road journey. As you venture forward, you will face multiple switchbacks, as referenced in the old phrase, “two steps forward and one step back.” When you fall backward, don’t despair. After all, value exists within this zigzag pattern. Each time you step back and repeat a phase of your healing voyage, you strengthen your newfound foundation.

The good news is you don’t have to take this journey alone. In today’s world, ample help exists. I join you today as a part of that help and to provide you with such support. Because I have traveled this journey and, in doing so, have severed chains of abuse, freeing myself from its tight grip, I know first-hand the trials such a venture can hold. I am living proof that the joy of freedom is worth the sacrifice. As a result, helping people find their way out of such abuse has become a dedicated mission of mine.

Step 3: Find Space

I am sure you have heard the phrase, “You can’t see the forest for the trees.” I found truth within that expression. A person doesn’t know what they don’t know. When I was a child, I knew no other reality. I had no idea what “normal life” consisted of. I had to escape all the toxic influences before I could see with clarity the severity of my predicament. In my case, that meant breaking off all connections with my parents for many years. I’m not necessarily endorsing this plan, but it may be necessary in certain circumstances.

Step 4: Embrace Your Past Self

As illustrated in my book, Robin’s Gift, I also had a burning ceremony. In my desire to cleanse my old self and build a new identity, I gathered everything I found that represented my past and threw it into a huge bonfire. I do not necessarily recommend this act. After the fire burnt down and nothing but a pile of ashes sat before me, instead of the sense of freedom from my past that I expected, I felt empty sorrow. As I’ve healed, I’ve discovered that no matter how much “bad” had existed within that representation of my past, good also prevailed among it. By burning everything, I turned the good to ashes along with the bad.

Keep in mind that the past is a part of who you are. You cannot find yourself by turning your back on your former self. You must embrace your past self and thank that former you for all it did to bring the present you to this current moment in time. Remember, everything you experience is a part of your unique journey. By embracing all of it, you build strength in your God-given identity.

However, embracing your past does not require that you remain in relationships that harm you. Sometimes, to heal, a person may need to step away from those you once leaned on. In some situations, this healing may mean being willing to sever certain relationships.

Step 5: Finding New Support Systems

As you leave your world of abuse behind, don’t be surprised when people you thought would always support you suddenly turn against you.

When I fled to a shelter in 2012, many I called friends turned their backs on me. Some of them insisted that I acted against God by abandoning my marriage. Such comments create more abuse, making it more difficult for victims to leave their abuser and hold them in potentially dangerous situations. These friends are examples of those I had to walk away from to fulfill my healing. But walking away from such people creates an open space for new, healthier friendships to form.

To see more Crystalisms, go to  https://www.facebook.com/groups/1360983917796761.

Healing is a journey, not a destination so embrace the journey. Create routines that support your new endeavor.

Step 6: Positive Self-Talk

An abused person loses their sense of God-given value. As a result, their self-talk is often quite destructive. Chances are you never would say such hurtful phrases to another. To counteract this habit, look at the scripture “Love your neighbor as yourself” (Mark 12:31) from a slightly different angle. Love yourself as you love your neighbor. Furthermore, be alert to what you tell yourself, step into the uncomfortable, and change your rhetoric to words that nurture you.

Step 7: Take Time with God

Daily make time with God through prayer and Scripture reading. I can’t think of a more important step than this one. Sadly, religious abusers present warped reflections of God and notoriously twist scripture. The only way to discover the truth of God, His ever-abiding Love, His Grace, and His Word is by personally delving into scripture and getting to know Him, your Lord and Savior, on your own.

Step 8: CoDA

I personally believe a person cannot be a victim of abuse or an abuser without also being codependent. An abuser needs a victim, and a victim remains in that role because of their dependency on the abuser. Learning and working the steps of CODA helps a victim break out of that cycle. Additionally, one of the many benefits of practicing these steps is that it teaches healthy boundaries.

Step 9: Self-Maintenance

Healing is hard work. Any engine left to run continuously will soon burn out. Take time out for self-maintenance. Rest and enjoy your life.

Here is a list of resources to help you escape abuse.

If you know of a child who is being abused contact Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline at 1-800-422-4453.

For Sexual abuse, contact the RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline at 1-800-656-4673. 

If you need immediate assistance, contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at https://www.thehotline.org  (800-799-7233) or text “START” to 88788.

For financial abuse, contact https://www.annuity.org/financial-literacy/financial-abuse/, https://www.pcadv.org/financial-abuse/

You can find a guide on financial literacy for women at https://www.annuity.org/financial-literacy/women/

DomesticShelters.org and safehorizon.org 1-800-621-HOPE will provide shelter, counseling, and legal assistance.

loveisrespect.org, National Network to End Domestic Violence

CoDA.org

Note To My Readers

Hopefully, you have gained value from this blog post. If you have, I would like to offer you the opportunity to purchase my books. You can purchase The Hidden Diamond and Robin’s Gift hereat BUY THE BOOK – Crystal MM Huntley. However, if you prefer to purchase my books from Amazon, you will find The Hidden Diamond at  http://www.amazon.com/The-Hidden-Diamond-Crystal-MM-Huntley/dp/1665573767 and Robin’s Gift at https://www.amazon.com/Robins-Gift-Crystal-MM-Huntley/dp/B0CVL7746N. Other places to buy my books are at https://bkbookshoppe.com and https://bizybookstore.com.

Each purchase of my books supports my mission to help those trapped in abuse break those chains and find their way to freedom while drawing closer to their Maker. Once you have read either of my books, feel free to leave a review on the site you purchased from. Your review will encourage others also to seek out the path of healing.

The Hidden Diamond – Immerse yourself in a journey that uncovers the worth of a wounded soul amongst a lifetime of sin.

Robin’s Gift – Lost and alone, Natalie’s biggest dream is a desire to be loved. A tragic accident calls her home. Can she return and face her greatest fear?

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